Waiting for a new placement is pretty much what you might expect. I'm excited at the anticipation of meeting new children. I'm on edge about when the call might come - I leap to answer my phone each time it rings, knowing that this might be "the call" that will change my life (again). I'm frustrated that my type-A super-organized personality can't plan much beyond today, because I have no idea if I'll be a mom of two or five next month when I'd love to take a vacation or RSVP for a wedding.
At the same time there is a silent guilt about waiting excitedly and expectantly for kids to arrive. Although I'm excited to meet them, I know that they will not be excited to meet me. The expansion of my family means something horrendous is happening within that child's family. They are being torn from everything they know and love, brought to live with strangers.
I spend most of my time waiting in "hope." I'm not the praying type, so I use the word hope instead. My greatest hope would be that there be no need for foster care. That all children are surrounded by loving and capable individuals who have the knowledge and resources required to raise a child in safety and security. However, at this time and in this reality, there is a great need for foster care. So I also hope that all the children who need a safe and stable home are able to find their way to one. And I hope that we can be the lucky ones who provide that safe and stable home for some of those children.
Meanwhile I'm trying to keep my dirty laundry bin empty, my floors clean, and my bills paid so that whenever I get "the call" I'll be all caught up with my chores and ready to accept whatever comes my way.